There are those moments in life when, in retrospect, we look back and say “Damn! That was so much fun” or “ Last night I had so much fun” and so on. In those moments of true fun, and of our joyful participation in it, we rarely, if ever, stop and think to ourselves “This is fun! Am I doing it right?”
I do not know if it is human nature or social programming to immerse ourselves in those moments without questioning, analysis or consideration. There are several components to those moments of fun.
1. Vulnerability; to laugh unabashedly, letting down our guard and our mask slip off briefly
2. Goofiness is momentarily OK and acceptable behavior.
3. A feeling of momentary safety; you are not being judged or assessed.
True fun may be in those moments when you irrepressibly let your soul shine, without reservation. It is only later you may judge yourself harshly for your unabashed foray into life’s playground. I assert, that moments of unfettered fun and our participation in, is, in fact one of the ways humans energetically connect with the universe and other humans. Perhaps, that is why they call it fun. Those moments give us a glimpse of a life of trusting, each other and the universe. Our connectedness with humanity is manifested.
On the other end of the spectrum are the moments of black despair and emotional pain, Heartbreak, shame, embarrassment and so on. These moments we do not share. We isolate ourselves in our perceived failures of being. We are truly alone, isolated, floating in the airless vacuum of space. To admit failure is a cardinal sin. A huge component of these moments is judgment and analysis. As we tumble down this emotional rabbit hole, our fall is accompanied by a cacophony of self-judgment. I am bad. I make bad choices. I am not loveable. I am not good enough….. etc. You can fill in your own words of self-flagellation. The question I am posing is, is this black hole of all consuming pain based on an event? or, in fact, created by our feverish imagination. There is a children’s bath toy. A small marble sized yellowish ball about the size of a marble, weighing almost nothing and nondescript, yawn. But, add a drop or two of water and, before your eyes, it begins to grow and morph. In moments is becomes a large dinosaur of apparent substance.
My question is this,
Is it possible to separate out those two components and experience those feelings in the same way we experience fun? The event and feelings might be the nondescript yellowish ball, Our judgment, analysis and shame is the water droplets that create the dinosaur. Without consideration, allowing ourselves to feel the true experience of our heart breaking wide open. Replace despair with trust. Trusting ourselves, trusting that our lives are perfect. Trusting that each of our experiences connect like the links of a chain, appearing random perhaps, but creating the continuum that we call our lives. Trusting that the universe gives us exactly what we need and ask for. Can a human experience the “bad” end of the emotional spectrum of our lives; notice and separate out the “bad”, replace it with blind trust. Are we missing an integral part of our lives by suffering and diligently working to avoid pain and discomfort? Could it be a simple as saying to myself, “here I go again” and notice the ride I take myself on.